Critters - 1986 quick review

Oct 3

Critters - 1986 Dir. Stephen Herek Written by Stephen Herek and Domonic Mur. Starring Scott Grimes (Brad Brown), Nadine van der Velde (April), Bill “Green” Bush (Jay Brown), Dee Wallace (Helen Brown), M. Emmet Walsh (Harv), Lin Shaye (Sally), Don Keith Opper (Charlie McFadden), Terrance Mann (Ug/Johnny Steele), Billy Zane (Steve Elliot)

Some films are works of art. Some films cost millions to make and are glossy and clean and yet devoid of any life to them. Some films have little fuzzy aliens with loads of teeth and an unquenchable hunger. Critters is this last type of film. Aliens on their way to a prison asteroid steal a spaceship and land on earth pursued by two weird alien bounty hunters. A Kansas family grows closer as a result.

Critters is an example of a low budget film made with so much love. Yes, it’s ridiculous. Any scene with the shapeshifting alien bounty hunters is just weird. Between the two of them struggling to figure out how a car works (because obviously they have never seen a car before), to the shoot out in a church where one blows up an organ thinking it was a weapon. The bounty hunters are just deadpan comedy that is played so straight and serious. It’s a quality that runs through the majority of this film. Everyone in the film is reacting to absurd events seriously. The Brown family are dealing with the invasion of the critters as best as they can. They are scared, but they look out for one another. Everyone in the family steps up when needed and puts their lives on the line to protect each other. It’s all played as serious as if this was a standard home intrusion film.

The only ones not taking any of this seriously are the critters themselves, also known as crites because space languages. When I popped this on tonight I completely forgot that the critters get their own subtitles so we can see what they are saying. This first film is a bit restrained with the crite dialog. But they seem to be having a grand time until the tables start to turn. Even then they pause their escape long enough to blow up the Brown’s house, just for spite.

If you haven’t seen the film, the critters are like armadillos covered in fur, with enormous mouths, and have poisonous quills they can launch from their hair. They travel by curling into a ball and rolling about like a tumbleweed. I think they are adorable. Like Fitzgig from the Dark Crystal, only hungry and evil, and not a pet. Which makes the opening horrible. As the crites are getting delivered to the prison asteroid, the transport pilot explains that they ran out of food and had to kill two crites and feed them to the remaining eight. I feel that is a horrible thing to do to a sentient lifeform. Even one that is apparently very evil and deadly.

This film is worth a lazy saturday viewing, or a late night party watch. Dee Wallace, who has been in so many horror films (good and bad, from Cujo to Popcorn to Alligator II: The Mutation) is excellent as the mother. Billy Zane is in the film. Billy Zane the poor, rich, yuppie kid from New York, who is obviously not ready for the night the teen daughter, April, has in mind for him. Also probably wasn’t expecting furry alien piranhas either, but honestly who would. Thing to keep an eye out for? Jay Brown’s bowling shirt. Specifically the logo on the back. I had to get a screenshot of it as on first glance I thought it was a bowling pin drawn to look like a blowup doll. In reality it was just a clever play on the Ghostbusters logo (his team is called the Pinbusters). There are four movies, a remake, and a Shudder exclusive series in the Critters franchise. The first four films I remember watching as the weekend creature feature on late afternoon TV. They were all a joy to watch. If you like the Tremors series, you will probably also enjoy this.